update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
