i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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