"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
