So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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