My sheets look like a crime scene.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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