I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
