we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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