you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
