i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
