I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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