Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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