mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
