So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
