I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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