so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
only if we run a train.
done.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
