She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have feelings that need drinking.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
