a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
