all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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