If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I intend to get homeless drunk
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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