I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
