I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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