I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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