Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
