omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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