ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
