i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
