I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
