why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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