Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
