I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
