I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Randomize
