You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
