plz talk dirty to me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
