I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
