I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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