that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
