I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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