i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
