there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
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I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
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STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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