Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
