Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
