i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
