im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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