I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
