my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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