I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
