dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
