he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
