I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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