my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
