it wasn't lemon gatorade
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
