a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
