Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
