My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
