He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
