Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
