I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
