I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Randomize
