just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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