i think my tv is drunk
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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